Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
