This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
