I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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