I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
try to milk me bitch
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
