i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
