I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize
