I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
