The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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