It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
