There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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