I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
