I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
