Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
