He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
