Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
