The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
