Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
