I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
