i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
