I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
