I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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