sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
