I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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