nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I will be naked everywhere
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
