Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
