I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
