So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Your penis caused this!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
