he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
