Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
whose ass print is on the piano?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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