I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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