Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
