Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize