Whod you bang
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
