I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
