I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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