she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
