i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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