Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
