Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
