I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
