I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
