me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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