my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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