Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
