If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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