It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
