are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
