I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
