took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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