I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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