I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
