I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
