no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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