I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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