I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
