she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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