the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
