If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
