I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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