You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize