Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
