she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
