She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
my sisters under your porch take her home
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
