I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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