i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
