I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
