So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
