We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
