You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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