woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize