You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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